If that's true for your marriage, your wife may be holding onto some resentment over the imbalance. well she decided we will not have sex, and to top it off, she has panic if she touches me and me touching her. My wife did not give me your three choices, but they are still there. So in summary, WHAT ARE THE OPTIONS IN THIS KIND OF SITUATION? Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. Life is tough, and tougher knowing you are not going to get laid. Many of us could not conceive of divorcing because we have spent a lifetime waiting around to be shown once again that we are desired by the one person we have shared our lives with and still very much love. You are so right. I am also in a sexless relationship, same as others in our 50s Im in good shape and shes overweight, out of shape and depressed. I dont clean enough, cook enough, keep on top of appointments, follow his assignments since youre retired now, you can do and I get assignments. You treat her well, and she shows no interest in you. Or if your wife does have a known medical issue, talk to each other about how your sex life might be being affected and ways you can work together to keep your sex life healthy. Im just trying to talk to her and it pisses her off anytime I bring it up Im tired of masturbating two to three times a week so I can focus on the everyday things Im going on 33 years of marriage and this started at 15 years. Whatever the case, do your best and work with your wife to restore that spark in your marriage. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. She doesnt like the image she sees in the mirror and that quells any sexual desire within. It has been 5 very long years for me. Now married to number 3. Nor, is it a reasonable demand that you need (should) accept. Richard C Shes the mother of our kids! Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world. Id be interested to find out your age. The Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health published a study that found low levels of self-esteem harmed a womans sexual functions. Hello Mary I can imagine how frustrating it it is for you.I am 65 years old and my wife is 64.My wife is on anti-depressants and she says that she has no desire for sex We have been married for 44 years now.I last had sex about 8 years ago My wife is a very beautiful woman and I am absolutely so frustrated and find that looking at porn and mastubating is not ideal anymore, What I need is a woman, but I am afraid to approach another woman for sex for the fear of rejection, I do not want to have sex with a prostitute. only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. I completely recovered and had to start my own business to share in the household expenses. Now when I express frustration, she will occasionally make a half hearted attempt, but rejects me at the last moment which has brought forth some lack of confidence for me and resentment towards her. Im 54 and my husband and I enjoy each others company but he does not want to engage in physical affection or intimacy. Or should I just accept her celibacy and masturbate when I need release? Two lovers need boundaries to choose their path. All I could think of was him dying because I had to have sex. Open a conversation with your wife about how she's feeling about you and the marriage, big picture, and go from there. I was in a 22-year same sex relationship in which sex dried up after we had been together about 5 years. Were just a hole for your pole . I am not happy at not having anymore sex in my life at age 64, but I do care for her and she does care for me, not in the sexual way of course. Share This: Have a question about relationships and sex for seniors? Weve been married for six years now and its been an abusive relationship in all types of way. 2. You were something new, mysterious, independently confident, self-respecting, self-motivated and unpredictable. A subtle way of saying I will date outside the marriage. I started seeing sex workers. Basically though, he refuses to talk about this issue with me or anyone else, namely a doctor/therapist, and claims he likes our life the way it is. I wont lecture: youve all read about it. When a woman has to live with her in-laws, its a major change from the way she had been living before. I didnt either with my late husband Too much cheating etc. Run why stay? At least the replies here seem to reflect this, noting that the opposite can and does happen. I actually envy those that are single. That leaves us with so many perverts running around today inept at forming a real relationship, fantasy is in sadly. I think he wanted to stay in his marriagemainly I think b/c his wife earns well (makes more money than him). A lack of communication may have led to years of unsatisfying sex, and the longer youre together, the more nervous she may be to bring it up. I end up feeling bad about this as I think I should not be obsessing about it as she often says. !life is def funny!! Married a little over 50 years! For the past eight years it has been like I am married to my sister. The article itself is very weak and rehashed b.s., But the comments are priceless! Well, its clearly only getting worse. There are many types of intimacy, and they tend to dovetail. When your partner wont touch you, its important to take a look at any mental health issues that may be affecting them. In such cases, it is imperative to get the right kind of help and hold your wifes hand through this extremely challenging journey. I didnt even get a goodmorning after a month away. However, whenever a relationship began getting serious my body would suddenly shut down- no erection, no ejaculation, no desire. I work, cook, clean, fix I dont drink or do any drugs. I never signed up to be married and not getting sex. 6. I am new to this. })(); Unfortunately I dont, as it seems were merely friends but certainly not lovers! I didnt sign up for this garbage! After all of that, the thought of intimacy at night becomes almost like another chore, says Gopa. The aftermath of an affair is never easy for a marriage, but if life has thrown you this curveball, youve got to learn to deal with it. The wife was boring and I had to follow so many rules and regulations when it came to sleeping and sex together. . What do you think a man can do and should do in these cases ??? What to do about it: Don't jump to conclusions. What to do about it: Remember that it's OK to not want sex with your partner sometimes. If you must you could think castration out of love. Sharing your desires is essential, as is listening to her needs. Now Im in my mid-50s, but have no problems whatsoever getting primed for sex. Not a bar person.. any any suggestions. Jack- SHe aint lost brother. Loved sexI mean with exuberance and joy. After having our first child, my wife wasnt thinking about sex at all. Shortly after, our daughter in law and our granddaughters moved out of state. I cook and currently renovating the home again only to hear Thats great, Now what about the bedroom?. Thanks for your candid note. In some cases, this can escalate intopostpartum depression, which is a common reason why many women experience a lack of sexual desire after childbirth. Shes sorry, but I love her and say its ok. 1. We love each other but no sexual contact leads to a very frustrating relationship. I dont believe calling sex your duty is accurate at all. EXACTLY!!! Really, I may as well just be rooming with a friend at this point in the game. Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for Indians everywhere! Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. Ive always had this feeling from the first of our marriage that he felt somewhat uncomfortable having sex but that it was permissible if we were trying to procreate, but never just for fun or enjoyment. The last time we tried, she complained of the pain even with lubrication. For women its submitting to the protector of her choosing and bearing only his children. One of the scariest reasons your wife wont have sex with you may be that she has feelings or is being intimate with someone else. It is a great resource for relationship help. Because of its addictive nature, it rewires the brain by desensitizing you. Why do men who want more sex end up insulting someone who has a pet? Should I let him go elsewhere? You definitely dont get it. And Ive been caught too. It feels like torture just coming here and reading because it makes me want some so badly I dont know what to do. From that point on, Croatia, Greece Island, every best ski area out west. 19. If your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may not be a low libido so much as a poor mom-life balance thats getting in the way of things. Yes, we are accused of such, and rightly so quite often; but, no, we are sentient, thinking human beings. In addition, he doesnt suffer from ED or any other similar issue, but he seems to feel that sex is for procreation and once that part of life is over (as it surely now is), so is sex! I was going to say you lucky lucky bastard., Maybe let her pick the sex partner and she may want to be a side participant in it, could always ask : ), Its been13 years no sex for me.lbeen married42 years..her phone and internet are more important than me. I am sorry I stayed, but life, illness, dementia parents and a son kept me in this sexless marriage. I feel Im too old to do anything to cause me to have to be alone. You work, cook, clean, fix, dont drink or do drugs! Be explicit about your needs and expectations. Ohh my! Ill keep this short, but I could write a short novel. Food shape. If there is resentments in the home then it will not happen. Her 90-year-old mother lives with us, and I love her like my own mom. When theres a disconnect and communication gaps that lead to resentment, the hostility will make itself apparent in some way or the other, says Gopa. Help out around the house and stop making your wife do everything. If you're dealing with other problems in the relationshipan ongoing argument, an affair, disagreements about decisions related to the kids or work or money, literally anythingthen those tensions may seep into your sex life. As we age we need to look at things with a different perspective. Now its gotten where I cant get hard when Im with her, Im sure its mental causes. This was an enlightening comment and reflects what has been my marriage for 35 years. Cheating just isnt in me. There are books that can help guide you. But I have my workshop where I fix cars and my wood shop. Moving forward, the endless rejection led me to stop trying to initiate sex, because the repeated rejections is having an effect on my confidence and self esteem. But if neither of those possible remedies to the sexless marriage proves satisfactory, then perhaps the couple should agree to allow the husband to seek sex outside of the marriage. Add to that some other longstanding unresolved low sex drive and relationship problems caused by their mate (me) in the past, and strict un_affectionate anti_sex parents in her upbringing. The subtle ways dates, touching, hoping havent worked and although years have passed, neither of you really understands yet how the other feels. Related Reading: How Do You Deal With A Quarrelsome Wife? Sex should be mutually inclusive. My guess is shes been trying to rid herself of me for many years but wants me to be the one to leave so she can save face with friends and family. Guys need intimacy too as well as sex and we love our spouses too. Ive been married to my husband for 35 + years to an indifferent withholder for the entire marriage. In my experience as a marriage counselor, Ive seen that men can have an argument with their wives the whole day and romance their partner in the end. Instead, tell her how much you love being intimate with her, not only because it feels great but because it makes you feel more connected to her. I promised her I wouldnt embarrass her or shame her in front of family, friends, or church with an affair. Take care. I do most of the household chores, she doesnt work outside the home, and hasnt since weve been married i constantly compliment her looks,I have been striving for decades to woo her, and sex is now completely off the table, and she wont even cuddle or kiss. (Note to women reading this thread: though the accepted wisdom is women love big penises, Ive found in my experience that its certainly not universal. interested in sex as they grow older but I find that to be true of men as well at least in the case of my husband!