Archives of Women's Mental Health. So second marriages tend to have less of the giddiness and more of the serious daily life attached. The first theme was generated from the verbatim of the first question which was asked to polygamous women. If he does so, either in public or secret, she has the right to divorce him. In some Middle Eastern countries, polygamy is regulated and the second, third or fourth wife, has legal rights. Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. The design was flexible and consent was taken for an in-depth interview. Islam allows men to marry up to four wives at one time but the condition is to maintain equality and Justice in all the possession whatever a man holds in material means [1]. Mrs. Kamal due to the age factor she was very distressed at the time of her husbands' 2nd marriage but with time she accepted this relationship and had a good relation with 2nd wife and with her children. Polyandry is a specific term used to describe marriages between one wife and at least two husbands. Current findings are in line in terms of infertile women who accepted co-wives rather than divorce but those having children never bother to admit or respect co-wives as one of female told she is living in a separate home. His actions went against the traditional practice of asking for her permission and mediating until a solution is found, but legally he was within his rights. 2006; 35(1), 46-61. You find yourself constantly comparing yourself with his ex-wife. Gabe and I won't have that. Now the first wife has no say. To sum up: I am married to a man I love and am lucky. During the analysis, three major themes were identified; (1) reasons for polygamous marriages (2) Relationship with co-wives/ consequences of polygamous marriage, and (3) strategies to cope with the co-wifes relationship. Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . She stated, When I allowed my husband to marry a second wife, then God blessed me to have a child (translated from Urdu to English). Her in-laws forced her husband to marry another female because of only female children. Though she faced a lot of criticism from the first wife. Thus, two things relating to marriage have affected the overall percentage of the population who find polygamy acceptable: more unmarried people in the population, and the fact that these. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and. As some statistics have it, we are one in every four married women you will meet. The study was an attempt to gain perspective about the causes of polygamy, its consequences, and the most important womens ways of coping strategies in polygamous marriages. READ MORE:Customary law know your rights. It can be challenging when you expect those normally happen times of the year to be a certain way, but then they arent so much. Journal of Moral Philosophy. But here I am, married to a man who was married before. My mother is a retired teacher and my dad could never keep a job, so she supported us. Community awareness of the effects of polygamy on women through media campaigns is a beginning step. In turn, some women don't tell their friends about their husband's other partners because young people in the region are becoming more outspoken on how polygamy is an arrangement that is designed. These findings have implications for policymakers and family advisors. Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. She said, "I used to take care of my child and co-wife's as well". Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. All of that financial mess can translate into a financially difficult second marriage. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. 2014; 5(27): 1058-1058. She stated, "'in my religion, co-wives expect to get along. Illiteracy, being a wife of a husband with three and more other wives, current history of depression, intimate partner violence, and poor social support were significantly associated with suicidal . The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. If that doesnt work then they go to the husband and present their cases, and the husbands role is to restore peace. Children can complicate matters further as each mother might feel the maternal pull to protect her own offspring more than the children of the other wives. Christianity condemns polygamy as an offence against the dignity of marriage, insisting that conjugal love between a man and wife must be mutual and unreserved, undivided and exclusive. Mrs. Ahmad being 2nd wife told that after second marriage "I and my co-wife did not get along; our children also did not get along, and there was constant bickering between us. She stated I prefer not to attend the same social function or activity with my rival (co-wife). The supervisor of the study verified the emerging themes and contents. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. 2014; 8-10. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. One Sunday morning Thamsanqa sat her down and asked her how shed feel if he took a second wife. Reviewed by Lybi Ma. One wife raises her fertility in response to an increase by the other wife because to them children are the best claim to resources controlled by the husband [22,23]. Dont be too quick to bash him, Lillian advises other women in her position. 2015; 12(3): 267-289. Bigger families imply more connections. Formal permission was taken from the institution for data collection. 1. Between birth and death: Female infanticide in nineteenth-century China. Evelyn shrugs and says women should always know their rights and not be afraid to fight for them. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. The surprise is this: when the moment comes, the man jumps with alacrity. It found that while 70 per cent agreed that Muslim men have a right to polygamous marriages so long as they can treat all wives fairly, only 30 per cent would allow their own husband to marry . I realized, several years after I remarried, that one of my oldest friends never quite forgave me for getting on with life after my divorce. Mrs. Kamran was the 2nd wife, working in a hospital. As of early 1842, Brigham Young was a contented monogamist. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Success and failure among polygamous families: The experience of wives, husbands, and children. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. Barber N. Explaining cross-national differences in polygyny intensity: Resource-defense, sex ratio, and infectious diseases. The difficulty is usually with the first wife. All are located in new apartment buildings in good neighborhoods; their total value is about $5 million. I would also like to add that polygamy is not a staple in Islamic culture, nor is it a tradition. But honestly, if your significant other has already had a wedding, who cares? International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family. READ MORE:After Criselda Dudumashe recently shared how her husband allegedly beat her up we thought we'd remind women how they can seek help. The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. All the above shows that there is really no marriage between the both parties. Ibn Qudamah writes: 2006; 45(3): 311330. Which Board Game Sums Up Your Life: "Aggravation"? It stayed almost one year that we hide our relation to his first his wife, because he told me, that he want to inform his wife, when he will be in front of her, since that she was in her home country and it . Only 11 of the 26 women agreed to participate in the study. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. She stated, I allowed a co-wife in my marriage because I was not able to have more children after my second child. Relationships are hard, and if things go wrong, we get hurt. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Another common stereotype that is associated with females is to give birth to only female children which increasing the ratio of female infanticide because some men are in favor of only male children. 2006; 52(1): 5-17. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. They dream big. But few years passed her husband was involved with another lady and married after few years. So she said I always support my husband for equal treatment with all wives because this life is much better than the previous one." And what if one of the wives has a problem with the way her husband is treating her? Unhappiness and loneliness: Mrs. Gulzar was unhappy about a lot of things in the marriage. Journal of Family Studies. Lillian takes care of the children and is responsible for the admin of the taxi business, and Thembi still works as a nurse. I am the grown-up woman he married as a grown-up man. Yet we have to shake off the stigma attached to being The Second Wife and say, with a smile, Yes indeed, Im his second wife. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. It doesnt mean that it cant be wonderful. International Nursing Review. Being a step-parent can be a very . When her husband refused, she said that she convinced and allowed her husband for second marriage. He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. In the Muslim world, polygamy is acknowledged because it is supported and associated with religious doctrine as well as a fair and legal way of relationship. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. There was a higher prevalence of somatization, depression, anxiety, hostility, paranoid ideation, psychoticism, general symptom severity, positive symptoms total, and psychiatric disorder, as well as lower ratings of life and marital satisfaction, family functioning, and self-esteem among polygamous wives [ 12 ]. The effects of polygamy on children and adolescents: A systematic review. The appropriate strategies which are purposefully working by co-wives must be enhanced with proper education and implement programmers that teach coping mechanisms and stress management. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. After my brother died in a car accident my father started acting strange. Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. "We being realistic have accepted the co-wives". And a leading women's group is applauding . One of the misconceptions about being someone's second wife is that you'll have no choice but to have a low-key courthouse wedding with minimal fanfare, and that the ghosts of weddings past will linger. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. Though later on, she had a good relation with 2nd wife. Avoiding adultery According to WorldCat, 99 percent of polygamous married men use this reason as justification for their undertakings. You constantly feel that your partner knowingly or unknowingly puts his previous family before you and your needs. It is an option. Remember, in a normal setup the wives are not enemies nor are they in competition, Maphalala points out. But thats not how it works out for everyone. When people. In most cases the husband will go back to the wife and apologise after his elders have spoken to him. In the normal course of events theres no need for formal structures in polygamous relationships as the wives usually work most things out for themselves, he says. Not many people like a second wife. Whats not typically expected is becoming a second wife. Polygamy is often confused with polyamory and bigamy. But that doesnt mean that they arent a little wounded. In addition, the interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA) was used to generate a wide range of perceptions and opinions that women carry out about their experiences in polygamous family structures. Objectives: The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. Mrs. Amir was the 2nd wife and also had no children her husband married her for children and his family again forced him for 3rd wife by giving the reference of the religious doctrine. It is permissible for women and their family guardians to stipulate a condition in the marriage contract that the husband may not marry a second wife against her will. In a home with more than one wife, what happens when problems arise? Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. But the current qualitative study is an attempt to fill the gaps that are left unexposed by survey-based or quantitative research and particularly to explore the positive consequences of polygamy and coping strategies which the polygamous women used to deal with co-wives relationships other than causes and disadvantages of co-wives. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, 2. I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. Because polygamy is typically condoned only in specific regions, it may be difficult to meet other willing participants to enter a polygamous union. The study findings may be inconsistent with the previous one except for the religious factor due to cultural differences. Instead it is the familiar routine of waking to an arm around your waist, the companionable bathroom talk with mouths full of toothpaste, and the idea that someone will know if you dont make it home at night. Tarrant County Mugshots 2020, Who Is The Black Woman In The Audi Commercial, Why Does Shrimp Foam When Boiled, Cdl Speeding Ticket 15 Over In California . Eva*, now 60 was married to my father for 28 years, and then one day he said he would like to add two more wives they were twins, she recalls. Seven women were single before marriage, while two were divorced and two were widowed. 5. Unless of great importance or a family-related event, we rarely attended the same social event together with our husband.. The positive side of the study is to explore the advantages and strategies used by polygamous women were very significant. Polygamy is often based on traditional cultural practices or religious beliefs. Challenges of Polygamy Partiality of husbands: this is where. We have also learned of situations where a man is forced by his family to take a second wife because his parents disapprove of his first wife for any number of reasons (they didn't choose her, his mother no longer likes her, she's not the right nationality, ethnicity, skin tone, caste, race etc). These themes were generated from the co-wives experiences. They get along because this is normal to them they have agreed to it., We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred. Mrs. Arslan did not avail of divorce and said it was her fate to share her husband with her co-wife for the future of her children. I grew up as an only child, and I always knew I wanted a lot of children, but my wifes pregnancy with the twins was very complicated. I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. Mrs. Abdullah also told though they have minor disputes among co-wives still they help each other. Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. She had a male child during the interview. Polygamy as sort of status symbol. The average duration of polygamy was about 11 years so most of the co-wives had been accepted co-wives and engaged themselves in several activities and got comfort considering it fate role, religious permission, and compromise for the sake of their children's future rather than divorce. Family pressure: Family pressure is also one of the common reasons for polygamous marriages. 2002; 32(1-2): 58-66. We have an ordinary life. And another wife Mrs. Kamal reported," in the beginning when I thought about the second wife I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurts me." Somehow, you probably have always pictured someone who has never been married. The findings of the study indicate that polygamy is a painful and bitter pill for most women to swallow. The Quranic prescription for polygamy suggests that men can marry two, three or four wives (but not the other way round, naturally). Practicing polygamy as a legal permanent resident can lead to deportation, as can a criminal conviction for bigamy. As she had a new born she told when she was admitted to the hospital 1st wife of her husband prepared and brought food for her from the home. In the beginning, females refused to share their partners but with time they accept it. This can make for a challenging home life from day to day. Rossi P. Strategic choices in polygamous households: Theory and evidence from Senegal. She told that She was like a witch, spoiled my whole family. A married couple that stays together can rack up plenty of debt, but what about a marriage that ends? They often include not-so-subtle warnings about what's to come, designed to keep you strong and united in the face of conflict, change, hardship, kids. So infertility and no male child is the main factor to permit polygamy by the wives [8]. Marriage Counseling vs. No one does; no little girl longs to grow up and walk down the aisle to the strains of "Here Comes the Second Bride, All Dressed in an Ivory Suit." Even if children are more or less accepting, the ex more than likely wont be ok with the new person in their childs life. Im raising my son to be a responsible man who will not look down on women, like my father does, she says. As when co-wives share their domestic chores, and other responsibilities of the family they become less possessive with time about their partners. Both were a happy couple with 2 boys and 1 baby girl. 2016; 22(3): 272-286. Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. A Muslim convert says that being a second wife provides her. Kadyrov's second wife also has a place to stay in Moscow, with three apartments registered in her name. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? At the very least, the term "second wife" has a very negative connotation. Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. It just means that being a second wife comes with a lot of challenges along the way. Mrs. Imam was the first wife with a love marriage and she had two female children in three years. For Aneesa Azeez, a 23-year-old Muslim convert and college graduate, her husband's . Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. It is a very common experience that discriminative behaviour of the husbands and unequal treatment with their wives causes several mental health issues in polygamous families. But in Pakistan and Iran, only consent is required from the first wife and need to show it in the court as proof for the second wife. As she stated, "out of sight, saying of mind.". She said, in the beginning, I was not happy but with time and being realistic I have admitted and have divided the household chores. Being Muslim doesn't change the biology of pain, of envy, and of sadnessthese are human emotions that are consequences of the act. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (MyCite Report). One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. Holloway ID, Ansari D. Mapping numerical magnitudes onto symbols: The numerical distance effect and individual differences in childrens mathematics achievement. Lillian had twins Zakhele* and Zanele* (now 39), and thought she and her husband were happy. Mormon women fear eternal polygamy, study shows. Lower risk that people get bored in a marriage. While in many cites it has been claimed that if a man is unable to maintain justice and equality to treat all the wives then the above verse is interpreted as in favour of monogamy [2]. But Im his last.. She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. She told her a tragic story. Polygyny, the marriage of a man and two or more women at the same time, includes an analogous sororal . Top 5 Benefits of Marriage Counseling Before Divorce, 25 Tips for How to Deal With a Narcissist, 6 Challenges of Second Marriages and how to overcome them, Setting Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship, 10 Ways to Deal With a Controlling Micromanaging Spouse, 15 Benefits of Group Therapy in Relationships. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. She was a nurse and divorce. The second wife will have all of these extra people in her life that she never bargained for and it can be a lonely or isolating feeling. "This evening I am with my wife a lone by my fire side for the first time for years," Young wrote in his diary in January 1842. Incidentally, polygamy is illegal for non-Muslims according to Federal law but is allowed for Muslim men under Sharia Law. Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? In many societies the concept of polygamy is frowned upon because it goes against the Western idea of loving, honouring and obeying one person until death do you part. Its not like I wasnt married before, too. However, it is possible that a person is confronted with circumstances whereby he is unable to uphold his righteousness and purity, whilst maintaining relations with a sole lady, who happens to undergo periods of menstruation, pregnancy, delivery, suckling, and other forms of ailments, etc.
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